Hott Dawgz

The Slab was on location at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show this week. Congrats to Uno, the delightful, entertaining card game Beagle who took home Best in Show. Below are a few other Hott Dawgz that caught our eye...Pippin (above) likes to relax with a tray of fresh-baked liver brownies.
But the life of an Old English Sheepdog involves more than eating. Mariah (above) requires over 8 hours of primping to get her fluff on. (Mariah is the dog, not the guy.)Speaking of hair, it must be super irritating if you own a Puli (black) or Komondor (white) and have to field a constant wave of rasta/mop/etc. “jokes.” But Eddie Murphy/Joe Piscopo “Ebony and Ivory” references? Comedy.Along those lines, some jokes never get old. And by “some” I mean “hot dog.” Hot dogs are funny. Dachshunds look like hot dogs. Ergo, Dachshunds are funny. And this Standard Smooth o.g. Phineas was no exception. He's more of a tube grilled steak enthusiast, but at the venerable age of 7 he can damn well eat what he likes. Especially if he lets me call him something old school, like MC Smoov Weiner.The Basset Hound is another breed rife with low-slung humor. This handsome chap played it close to the vest, unlike...Black Jack (above). “He's a real love bug,” the handler confided. From my vantage, “sexual offender” was more apropos. I watched him mount three separate women in the space of 90 seconds, thereby putting an emphatic “long” in “love you long time.”
With a height to match his length, Logan the Great Dane brought far less frisk to the mix. This Wisconsin boy spent about a year with his ears taped (to stiffen the cartilage). Now he enjoys staring quizzically and eating sharp cheeses.
Woofer the St. Bernard had his own look down. He took home Best of Breed, along with the hearts of every photographer in a 50 yard radius. He was also in a straight-to-DVD Disney movie called Snow Buddies (tagline: “They're snow cool!”; extremely disturbing preview here).
As one of four new breeds entered in this year's show, Sparky also received his fair share of attention. This peppy Swedish Vallhund loves lemon pepper chicken, and looks like a dachshund/shepherd lovechild.
As for German Shepherds, here goes a local Long Island boy. Someone stepped on his foot (much to the owner's delight), but it didn't seem to slow him down. He was too busy dreaming of raw steak and knucklebones.
Alas, not every animal exuded such resilience. Don't get me wrong, I love all most some creatures great and small; but I'd be hard-pressed to leave my house with anything dressed like this Yorkshire Terrier. I'm guessing its favorite foods are “Special K” and “water with lemon.”
Speaking of diets, I spent a good 10 minutes trying to cajole the owners of these Polish Lowland Sheepdogs into revealing how much kielbasa their dogs ate. Until I found out these dogs were actually French Briards. Which might help explain why said grouchy owners had no idea what kielbasa was. (Might.)
Sticking with the humorless theme, I wandered over to a large group of Very Serious Russian Women and their totally unserious Black Russian Terriers. These are mighty impressive canines, none more so than the charming Lizaveta. Bred in Russia and shown throughout Europe, she now leads a life of American leisure and fame. BRTs were border guards in the motherland, purportedly (and I quote) “bred to take a man down.” But I remain suspect. The only thing Lizaveta did was kill me... with cuteness! !!!!!!! !!! !!!!!!
A dog by any other name? This one unites the comfort of a premium mattress with the deliciousness of smoked meat. Yes, good reader, Grace is a Sealyham Terrier. And our exclusive interview with her owner went something like this... Slab: does Grace eat ham? Owner: yes. Slab: what type of ham? Owner: all kinds. (Awkward silence) Owner: and she sleeps on a Sealy mattress. We used to own a furniture store, and... Slab: Black forest ham? Virginian? Owner: I guess she prefers sugar cured. (Riveting!)I had less luck squeezing info out of Duncan the Bulldog, whose non-traditional good looks and true grit were matched only by his bullish reticence. Secret Agent Dog, I hardly knew ye.
Goofy Newfoundland, I've always dug thee. As Phil Hartman put it, you'd have to have a heart of stone not to appreciate Seamus (above). In case I had any doubts, his owner busted out a pic of him cuddling with a kitten in his lap.
Ernie the Clumber Spaniel was another mellow fellow, a baguette, spaghetti and pineapple enthusiast with cute to spare.
Kinda like this Bernese Mountain Dog... She so pretty!And old friend Mastiff is so sleepy. Like us. Hot Dogs galore, and we're ready for a nap.

Back next Tuesday on the search for delicious!

–J. Slab